Archive for the ‘personal’ Category

Sometimes I wonder where has the good old me part been lost? The girl who was always welcoming and friendly.

As we grow up we get rigid. For me I am growing more sensative or call it sensible. I think I have choices now. I get easily irritated when somebody interferes in my domain, tries to give me unwanted advices and specially take me for granted.

I expect friends to understand what kind of person I’m and I do so, too. Like most of you I dont need to be advised unless asked for it.

If I say sorry I mean it! So accept it and if you have any hard feelings have teh courage to say it on my face. I might not come begging you to stay with me forever. You know what your value is and so do I.

I dont think Im that likable any more and I see no point in being likable for everyone! If you are a friend or were at any part of my life, you are always welcome to walk back and say in face what’s in your heart because Im sure I already did that.  If you value me, you will stay, if not you have a life of your own choice.

And no matter how I wish I was the same me, that you once knew, Im not, unfortunately. 

And yes, some body has pissed me off enough. Don’t worry the already know it!

My dear daughter,

You turn three today. Three years of excitement, thrill and adventures. A carefree life with food in the mouth, poop in the diaper and sleep in mama’s arms.

This is what these years are. And no matter how much  I pray that your life be filled with the same luxury, I tell you life is not as you see it, now. It is far from fairy tales. This is why I never told you any fairy tale.

Life is a serious business and I wish you embrace it responsibly.

May you grow to be a women of strength. May you stay away from the fake people, fake world. As you grow you will learn the difference between fake and real. May your life be filled with wisdom, courage to stand for the truth, the knowledge of right, to fight for what is right & may your life be surrounded with people who love you for what you are.

Life is unpredictable. I would love to be there for you always, to take you in my arms, hug you tight and let you know everything’s just fine. But I might not be around always. Learn to stand on your own. We all fall, just learn to stand up gracefully and avoid to fall for the same reason. Remember even when I’m not there, God is there. He has always been and He will always be there. Close your eyes and feel him hugging you. He will whisper “all is well”  in you heart. That’s the only place I wish you refer for advice, for help, for anything. There is only one God. He will always answer you, may be not with what you want.

You will find people who will discourage you. There will be times you will feel like a toy. Yes, we all feel that way. Never forget you are the most precious gift for us, your mama your baba. And even if we are not there you and your value has not fallen a bit.

I am sure your little mind and inquisitive personality will raise so many “why’s and but’s” I don’t want you to understand it now. I don’t know when, and if  I would be around at that time to explain. Just read it and make sense out of it. I am sure you wil

Lastly, my endless wishes for you. May you live a healthy, long life filled with peace and contentment. May you always be protected for what ever is evil, always be surrounded with love and may you always find happiness deep inside your heart.

(Amen)

I am also sorry I never bought you a fancy cake, or expensive gifts. Its not we could not afford it, I want you to learn the value of money, to  know how blessed you are and to contribute the extra pennies that don’t really matter in providing you happiness but can fill up the empty stomachs. That might save a life . You have to collect these rewards to claim your points in the end.

I love you, even before you were born. And these are my dreams for after which I named you “Tabeer”.

For last two years I thought my life would never be the same. I was so consistent that I really didn’t try hard to make it something that I wanted.
I would not say that two years of my life were wasted, there’s no way I can say that. I experience the miracle of nature, the birth of my darling daughter and devoted my then time to her. Now that I see her running and jumping around, I feel the time which seemed to have stopped then flew with some speed. I have been a full time mom, a full time housewife, a very dedicated one. And Im glad I did my role neat.

Life has to move on. Tabeer’s no more a baby and will be starting school soon, InshaAllah. I had to find some activities to keep myself engaged. And I’m glad I opted for the personality development ones.

I sorted out what I lack and the first thing I needed back was the confidence in myself. I joined Fitness First to keep my body active and to lose some extra pounds.

Second, I attended as a guest. Spoke on a table topic and next week I was doing the payments to join in. Yes, I’m a toastmaster now. And I’m so looking forward to improve my speaking skills, public facing confidence, vocabulary, grammar plus a bunch of nice people. I feel my blog will be happier with me as I get more quality content in here. For quite some time I’ve just been filling it up just to keep connected to it.

Karma, isn’t exactly a bitch. You have to work to get what you want. I hope to groom myself and be a better person as the new year starts and that’s what my new resolution will be.

How many times in life I have thought that life has paused, only the ones who have followed me all the way can tell.

They dynamic in me has kept me on the roll. There is a lot that I have to do within the little time left.  Im glad I have been successful in pushing my life from the pause mode into the forward motion, with something different always.

This time I felt sinking,  I had not lost old friends but yes they were far, the new ones didn’t meet my standard and I felt deceived. Even the most mature ones seemed to be the perfect woman (if you know what I mean) I thought it was time to deviate myself and do something constructive than wasting myself in the hand of a bunch of stupid housewives.

First thing I needed was to review my life. I have gained a lot of weight and lost a lot of positivity and confidence. To put it back I decided to spend my hard saved money rather than let it rest in my safe. I joined a few good names (and yes they are not only good names) to keep me physically and mentally active. I must admit, it was one of the wisest decision I have ever made.

First I set the body to get active and then the rusting grey material I have.

I intend to look and focus above what people are. There’s no perfection in people (some women are hopeless) and I am worth enough not to waste myself looking for it. No use wasting life on it.

It was hard making decision but its easy when you know what you value.Enough damage’s been caused. I am glad I’m on the right track with no judge, but me.

The breaks are getting longer and I dread the day it will be forever.
The credit goes to starbucks again. Had a cup after dinner and here I’m.
Life’s funny, as I always say. Life’s beautiful. Nothing to complain about, alhamdulilah.

Writing a book and having a coffee shop are two things in my to do list of life.
No question unanswered and no wish un-granted. The dreams will come true one day, soon. Just a matter of time.

Enough of my dreaming, gotta run!

I wrote this letter to my hubby (never reached him) when I was about to get married. Confused and not-too sure how life would turn out… I wanted my everything to be with me. Today, while cleaning up my drafts on this blog, I found it out.

My Dear Hubby-to-be,

12 days left and I will have to move in with you. I am such a clumsy person, always surrounded with people and always in a rush to do something…I had few queries that I wanted to bring to your attention.(hahaha! seems like a professional query from a vendor:P) :

• Can I move in your house with my tribe? (Mars, papa, ami, dumb-ass shariq and my lovely bhabi, my hippoo????) ( will they move in with me??)
• Can My hippo find place on our bed?? It’s cute and harmless, stuffed with quilt, looks innocent, purple and grey and I love it. (hahaha! guess what? hippo is here in Dubai with me and sleeps on top of my laundry basket. I have found him a buddy, a big red teddy bear that I bought on this valentines day)
• Can I bring all the photo frames on my bedside table with me?? (My graduation pictures, my best friends, baby & me?)

And promise me you won’t kill the baby side of me? (Nah, he took good care of it. I’m still the “chotta wala baby” and I’m pampered and treated with lots of love, chocolates and what ever I want)

• I will miss my folks for an hour daily. (Papa 1 hr mom 20 mins mars 25 mins n bhai bhabi 15 mins) I might take more time to miss other friends too. (hahahah!!! yes I still do that:) and every one has a turn. So sometimes when I say “I’m missing my bari ami, he would say “Oh acha, it must be her turn today” hahaha)
• I don’t feel like moving out of my room. It’s a small place but big enough for one person. Kala lives under the bed (ami hates him, hence he’s found over there) (my mom, she has kidnapped that leather banmanas, I named it “kala”, and I have no idea where it went!) Garfield is moody sometimes on bed sometimes it company’s Kala under bed.(It’s in my wardrobe now, I managed to get his visa and brought him here. He lives with the lamb and is happy) The lamb u gave me enjoys teh freedom of being either up or down the bed…

We all are very happy in this small room of mine. So is the phone set you call me on. My cell phones are under the pillow and the laptop is on the couch.

I think it’s very hard to accommodate my accessories and my tribe, we all fight a lot and then hippo gives me a huggie and I feel OK. Also, u know I have a very ill mannered circle of friends who can call me ANYTIME they want.(and they sure did even after I got married, until I moved here)

Sheeb’s a mela, you know I love him a lot. Maria, Shewi, Huma live on the other side of the globe, so it’s always bright when it’s dark at our end.

Shum is here but then I’m always there for them. Ammar can always get cranky and hence Annie calls me up. He’s a kid doesnt know when to what…(Awww!!! Those are my friends in Isb)

Jerrs always in my thoughts, shes my Pamper Buddy you know…cannot leave her alone. She’s coming back to Pakistan forever, she might be needing me more often.(hahah, now she’s married in Isloo and we still talk chat daily, just like old school days) Summera’s my NIDO partner…(She too got married from my place in Karachi few months back and flew back)

You sure, I won’t disturb you?? Why don’t you join the tribe and come live with us..I assure you it will be fun! (hahaha! And we did that for a day befor we moved here)

Love,

Unaiza

I am just too excited to share the news of the addition of a new baby girl in our family. My brother had a baby girl couple of hours back and I’m excited beyond words:)

I wish I could fly back and hug the lil creature in my arms, the crying soul (that’s all I could hear talking to my Bhabi) and hug Mars, my darling. I’m just missing everyone so much! I remember when Mars was born… Time flies! She was born after 5 days of my engagement, on Eid’s third day and here comes another lil girl, who hasn’t been named yet. But who cares about the name, it’s the little doll that matters.

I love girls (OK, baby girls before you guys take me wrong) It was only me before my brother got married, then came in Sara, my bhabi and we were so much fun! Im proud that I have been always a support for my bhabi in-front of the whole extended family. I just love her!

Then the group extended and we got Mars to tango. And now we have another one…. Wow MashAllah so many girls!!! I can imagine all, dressed up in pink and shouting and playing!!!! I’m just going crazy missing my lil tribe…

It will almost be an year, my life has changed drastically.January 5th will mark a year to my marriage. Time has flew since then. The past year 2007 (almost ending) was an year that has marked so much on my memory. Life had so much to offer. ..

Travelling (although I have always been a restless soul) watching movies, eating out and so much fun. Life could not have been better.  

Faced few hurdles but managed to overcome them tactfully and made the ball rolling.For the New Year, resolutions are just to keep myself happy and satisfied. I have never been so seriously mean and selfish or whatever you say but this is my right. New year doesn’t promise anything but I hope it has so much more to offer. Life never stops….

So a very Happy new year to all the readers of my blog. May life always be full of happiness, fun and joy…Amen!  

Dad’s are great especially for girls:-)

My dad is an old man with cold attitude who’s hyper emotional and one can easily notice tears sparkling in his eyes while watching an emotional scene. Not at all social, doesn’t have much friends, do not mingle up with people easily, does not talk much, has a beard, wears kurta pajama, short tempered and does not express anything but anger! He’s rich but does not spend money on him at all.He has no dreams of living in a big house, buying a good car or anything which might show his wealth. (Although he owns this beautiful office place and his business).Helps the poor generously, runs madrassa secretly, gives away lots of money to the needy.Oh and yes the poor are the ones who get his attention. Feels no bad in having his food in-front of TV with the driver, carpenter or any other person who works at the place.Children (off-course others and my cousins)are the ones with whom he gossips and talks a lot. Goes to Masjid, only the one near dadi’s place or will pray at home(I never understood why). One cannot argue, raise voice in-front of him, he has that look in his eyes.I find him extremely intelligent with grip on every subject and vast knowledge of current affairs. He, to me seems the database of who was who in business although it’s only been 15 years that he started it in Pakistan. I guess that was from my grandfather, he gathered this knowledge base and can tell you about the history of any big business group in Pakistan.

When I was getting married he gave me his ATM card to withdraw as much cash as I wanted to shop.He was ready to give me whatever I wanted, even a car! (Though, I told him I did not want it).Asked me to prepare a list of electronics item that I needed, went with me to get the “salami” for my husband.I felt like he wanted to talk to me when I was getting married, he wanted to spend time with me and so did I, but neither of us had the courage.He wanted to marry me in a grand way, but he did not have a chance to book the place he wanted to, it was already booked by my FIL. When I asked him why didn’t he say that he did not want it there, he said that he did not feel good saying “NO” to them.

My dad was not always like that. He was jolly. He worked in Etisalat, UAE & in QTel, Qatar before coming back to Pakistan. He used to take us on long drives, we used to eat out a lot and we had a small but decent social circle. We had a beautiful apartment in UAE and then a big place with huge garden in Qatar. Something changed my dad. What was that something is unknown and I want to know what it was. I have no idea how would I know what brought this huge change in his life making him so humble and down-to-earth but I sure want to know.

The beautiful memories, chapter: “Dear Dad”

My PDA did some bewafai and hence is @ clinic for repair.

Went with dad and mom to shop for some electronics and enjoyed shopping. The best was buying the laptop!

Blues… yeah, shadi blues, now that its even less than a fortnight, I have already started missing Mars. Last night I cried and cried a lot and then slept while crying:-P I could hear my brother preparing for one of his presentations and it reminded me of my brother’s first speech, back in school.

I, (though younger) was the gold medallist debater/orator and it was my brother’s first time public speaking. Helped him prepare the whole night and next day bhai sahab ended up laughing in middle of his speech:-P

How much will I miss the accessibility to my mom dad’s room, the common wall between our rooms which always made me whisper and talk in low tones on phone J

My bhai always coming in my room at the middle of the night without knocking (ill-mannered kahin ka!) and bahbi’s knock beyond my hearing… Mars giggles early morning.

I love my dad so much, never knew it. He’s growing old, I realized today at a shop having seen the wrinkles on his neck. My darling mom, she’s an angel. Wakes me up when I’m too tired and asks “tum so rahi ho, acha so jao”.

My dad loves to wake me up early morning, and I just love waking up with him.

Somehow thinking of papa and then ami makes me cry. I love them both … yeah heaps of love. The confidence I have, my personality, my education everything…

And somehow I don’t want to leave them for more than a month. I want to have the same common wall between our rooms, waking up early when dad leaves his bed and then sleeping on his pillows.

I dedicate this poem to my dad, the very first poem I learnt at the Montessori my dad dropped me at one early morning some 25 years back…

 
“Simily linky dinky do..

Simly linky do…

I love you!

I love you in the morning

And then in the afternoon…

I love you in the evening

and then beneath the moon…

Simily linky dinky do”

I love you….”

 
And I really do … and NOTHING in this world will ever make me love anyone more than I love my dad. I’m ma daddy’s baby and I love being that. Even Mars cannot take my place cause its not she who’s her daughter it’s me and only me.

I don’t want to lose you ever, ever and ever…